Cultural Slips & Trips

*13 Aug 2010*

I’m sitting here at one of my favourite watering holes – Huxley’s at Heathrow Terminal 5. Have just hoisted myself up on a barstool and ordered a pint of Stella. The bartender replies ‘Nice to hear that order from a lady…’ Me, quizzically: ‘Why’s that?’ Barman: ‘It’s just not that often you hear a lady order Stella.’ I think a moment, then: ‘Well, I suppose Stella’s got quite a different reputation here than at home.’

I always forget this. It doesn’t bother me too much, but in England, Stella Artois lager is colloquially known as ‘Wife Beater’ – due to its high alcohol content & light taste. Therefore also possibly a bit chavvy. Meanwhile at home it’s a choice that no girl would hesitate to order yet guys would think twice about in an effort to protect their manly personae.

It’s amusing to me that, 2 years on, some of these silly cultural things continue to trip me up. The biggest one I cannot get my head around is the business kiss. Over in these parts (Europe generally), kissing your business colleagues – or at least those you don’t see daily – is as commonplace as a firm yet friendly handshake is in the US. Each country has its specific custom: In France & Germany, for instance you do the double-kiss (one per side). In Italy I noticed on my last trip that, although it’s the same double-kiss, custom dictates you start by going right, then left, which is opposite of the northern countries. In Holland, you start left but kiss 3 times – L-R-L – also in Switzerland. In Belgium I’ve been told they sometimes just keep going til it gets ridiculous, but generally it seems to be the same 3 times as Holland.

This is all fine, once you learn and therefore can be prepared. The problem is, the UK is confused. They don’t know whether they’re coming or going. You might shake hands, you might kiss once, you might kiss twice. It’s always a surprise and thus always slightly awkward. I can never remember exactly what I have established with a given person, and so often I end up with a stick-out-the-hand while they lean in for the kiss so I lean in for the kiss and then go to kiss twice while they’ve already moved back because a single kiss does it this time.

As you might imagine, I tend to take this chance to babble on in my loudest most American voice on how awkward this all is, what’s wrong with a simple handshake, I feel like a fool, and just go on making matters worse until no one knows what exactly we’re talking about anymore. This makes business meetings all that much more fun!